Comments on: The Maliciously Missing

By: Maureen

Maureen — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 16:57:33 +0000

@Mark and @Lee thank you for your comments.

However, the law I’m proposing will protect people that are disappearing for their own personal safety. I might add that was not the case in numerous of the cases of the maliciously missing. See Peace4 the Missing where data is being gathered on the maliciously missing: http://peace4missing.ning.com/group/maliciouslyonpurposemissing

The physically abused are protected with laws. You can have your abuser(s) arrested and face your abuser in court. The families of the maliciously missing can’t do that. Yet the emotional and financial abuse that is experienced is just as devastating as physical abuse directly due to the selfish, cowardly acts of the maliciously missing.

My law is in no way giving up privacy. It’s just a humane way to let the families know that it is the wish of the person disappearing that they are starting a new life. The police will not be required to tell the families where their family member is just that they are alive and this is their wish to vacate their life. In fact for people in abuse situations it is exactly why I put in the law that the person vacating their life can go to any law enforcement in the country and sign a statement that this is what they are doing. It gives the person distance from their abuser.

For the truly maliciously missing it should be a criminal act. How legal is it to walk out on not only your family and friends but all of your financial responsibilities? In many of these cases these were spouses with good jobs, had mortgages to pay, had children who they were responsible for both emotionally and financially. Because there was no legal protection for me I lost everything in just a couple months time…we had been married 24 years at the time he went maliciously missing. There was no law protecting me. Creditors, banks, lawyers, courts don’t understand the word “missing.” How fair was it for me, his children and his friends to search for his bones for 4 years?

For 4 years I couldn’t even fill out a simple form. Everyone else in the world can answer the question “What is your marital status?” There was no box to check for “Other.”

If you leave a dog on the side of the road it’s a punishable crime. If you leave your family on the side of the road and pretend your dead for 4 years it’s all good because you’re starting a new life? Really is that humane, logical and legal thinking?

By: Lee

Lee — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:03:41 +0000

I am in exactly the same situation as Mark. My father sexually and physically abused me throughout my childhood, and continued to harass and threaten me until I was into my 30s. Whenever I tried to talk to my mother or sister, they would just hand the phone over to my father so he could threaten to “beat the sh*t” out of me yet again. I finally got a rented PO box, an unlisted number, and gave the security officers and secretary at work strict instructions not to give out any personal information about me to anyone, particularly if they claimed to be related to me. It’s been over a decade now, and “disappearing” from my family has been the single most healthy thing I’ve ever done for myself. There is ZERO chance that I would ever consent to turn myself over to the police and consent to be swapped and fingerprinted like a common criminal when I have done nothing wrong, and have done nothing more than exercise my constitutionally protected right to associate with whomever I choose. Just because someone is related to you, that certainly doesn’t mean they have your best interests at heart. Is my family frantically looking for information about me, or broken-hearted? To be honest, I don’t give a damn. Every time my father crept into my bedroom at night, and every time my mother looked the other way, they lost the right to cry, “But we’re her parents!” forever. Period. Granted, I’m not “missing” in the typical way that we define that–I haven’t walked away from my husband; my in-laws and friends know my address and phone number; I hold down a professional job and pay taxes. But if you were hearing only my parents’ side of the story, you’d have a completely different picture, and would mistakenly give them sympathy for a situation of their own creation. And I’m not going to be shamed or hounded into being treated like a criminal because of their continued abusive behavior.

I feel for everyone with a missing family member. But your story isn’t everyone’s story, and to try to change to law to reflect just a specific set of circumstances just isn’t realistic, either situationally or Constitutionally. Plenty of adults have legitimate reasons to cut off contact with toxic and abusive family members, and there’s nothing “malicious,” or criminal, or selfish, about it.

By: Mark

Mark — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 23:22:58 +0000

While what happened to Maureen was awful, what about young adults escaping abusive or homophobic parents, or domestic violence situations? Will adult children no longer be allowed to cut themselves off from toxic or abusive parents or other family members without having to go to the police? It seems this law would be re-victimizing those of us in situations like this.

I did not go “maliciously missing,” but I did choose to end contact with my family members, mainly for reasons surrounding my mother’s decades-long substance abuse problems. I moved out of state several years ago, and stopped returning their phone calls. I haven’t “gone into hiding” and have committed no crimes. I tolerated their emotional abuse for far too long, and now you’re telling me I have to register with a law enforcement agency?

I haven’t done anything wrong, unless wanting to protect my mental and emotional well-being is a crime.

By: Malinda Hoyt

Malinda Hoyt — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:16:12 +0000

I pray that the "other side" never has to endure what the families of missing are going though (or are you one of the "missing"?). My young adult daughter , Emiliie, has been missing for over 3 years and I know that she had emotional problems and was trying to become a responsible adult. None of us who love her and miss her would ever want hurt her but would REJOICE to know that she is alive. Until I know otherwise there will be pain but still the hope that maybe, just MAYBE, she is just "out there" – just lost, physically and emotionally. Reporting to LE would be an OPPORTUNITY to get the support and help needed and bring some resolution to the family left behind.
Thank you Maureen.
Mother of Emillie Hoyt, missing from Highland Beach, FL since January 2006

By: Morse

Morse — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 16:04:36 +0000

I am the father of a missing man "Trevor Morse" 06 May 2007 Las Vegas Nevada. Each and every day over the last two years has been filled with pain and depression. My wife has Lupus and stress aggravates her condition. Families deserve answers whatever they are. I believe this law would at least help families with some type of closure, whether the person is mentally competent, malicious or just misguided walking away is not a humane, fair, or equitable resolution to a real or perceived problem. That is the responsibility of being an adult.
It is sad to say that LE really does not want to be bothered when the person is an adult male, the criteria of importance seems to be Rich / Famous / Children / about in that order.
I have known Maureen over two years, since the time our Trevor went missing; she was introduced to us by Kelly Jolkowski, Mother of Missing Jason Jolkowski. She has been an inspiration and a stout shoulder for us.
Thank You Maureen

Rick Morse
MySpace
http://www.myspace.com/missing_trevor_morse