Funnily, she left me for a cop that is known in his department as an abuser. Weird how he was never arrested or prosecuted for it. I wonder how long it will take for two abusers to start in on each other, and in this case, who’ll win? Hmm…

First, the relationship that she had with him prior to the abuse must have dropped hints as to how he would treat her later on. Yes, I am aware that jerks don’t wear signs however there had to have been signs that were blatantly ignored. Possessiveness and jealously flare ups are not terms of or behaviors of endearment. Those are the early warning signs. Perhaps they were ignored with excuses that she even created…”He’s had a bad day” or “He’s under a lot of pressure”. Well guess what… lots of people face pressure but that doesn’t give them right to go off on another. A mature individual will walk away, take a time–out and then return to communicate with their spouse/partner . So basically what was going on before they got hot and heavy probably just escalated once he had won her over.

Second, the bad situation is not going to miraculously get better so the wisest move is to get out. He won’t change because her presence and acceptance lets him know that he doesn’t have to. Experts have always stated that the most dangerous time for a victim is when she feels empowered to leave. Isn’t that where a proper exit plan comes into play? If an employer were treating an employee like crap the employee would plan on a job change. The employee would even utilize trusted resources.

I don’t mean to sound hard-lined or callous but the victims seem to become and remain victims much longer than they ever should have been. Love is not supposed to come with black and blue marks. If he’s giving those instead of hugs then he doesn’t love you. If someone doesn’t love you and only wants to threaten and harm then why stay with him. Kids? Finances? I get that those are components to the fear of leaving. What I don’t get is the concern over his reputation…his standing in the community and the embarrassment factor. What’s embarrassing is having to look children in the face and try to explain why mommy is taking this nonsense. What’s embarrassing is having to lie to friends/family/co-workers and make yourself appear to be the biggest klutz (tripping down stairs or walking into doors) when they known darn well that something more sinister has happened.

Perhaps wise women who left their abusers should speak up on this and give a straight-with-no-chaser account of what they would have and should have done much sooner to avoid the extended grief that was endured.

I’ll close with one last unconventional and probably controversial thought. Every family has at least one slightly off-center member who has had some run ins with the law . He is not on any sort of straight and narrow path in life. My extended family surely has a few. This family member has absolutely nothing to lose. He is the resource that I would enlist to handle a domestic violence problem if it ever occurred in my life. Cop or non-cop…the abuser would then think twice about placing a hand on another woman.